Hey dad's out there... welcome to the crazy world of parenting! 🥰

David and I go way back, we've been friends for 13 years. He's always been that guy that was planned & organised, I vividly recall him, at the immature & inexperienced age of 18, 😜 boldly declaring his intention to becoming a father by the age of 30. At the time I remember thinking as I rolled my eyes, yeah right! 🤭 David & I met at Radio School - he had just finished college, so a real rookie; & me – I was finding a new career & was already a new parent studying as an adult student. Fast forward to today, & lo & behold his gorgeous fiancée Jasmine has given birth to their beautiful baby girl, Holly May Rybinski. 🥰

I had the pleasure of sitting down with him to find out the good the bad & the ugly of his new life & new title... Dad! 🤗

So here goes... the Q&A, two friends chatting Me as a seasoned & he as Newbie parent!! 🤭

Hey David, tell me what's it like to be a new dad?

It's one of the best things in the world, just seeing my daughter grow & learn, yeah, it's the most amazing and rewarding thing.

She was planned?

Yep, she was planned. So, we were living in Auckland, & we decided to move back to Wellington ‘cos that is where our families are from. We thought it was time to start trying. & within in a couple of weeks, we were like, “Shite this is real! We're having a baby!!”

You thought it was going to take you longer to get pregnant?

Yeah, ‘cos you can't assume that you would get pregnant straight away, & so we were one of the lucky ones! OMG we're having a baby - this is now real!! 💪

You have always been planned, & I remember you telling me that you were going to have your first child by the age of 30. Has that always been in the back of your mind?

It was a bit touch & go ‘cos my birthday is on the 28th of September & Holly was due on the 1st of October, so I was bit worried ‘cos I was going to be 30 & not have a kid. ‘But thankfully she came 3 weeks early & she came within my window, so she was born on the 7th of September & my birthday was the 28th so before 30... yeah it worked! 🥳

Alot of parents in your age group worry if they can afford to have a child. Is this something that you worried about?

No, it never really crossed our minds. We both have stable jobs; we have great family support & we're just going to do it. Both of our families are supportive, so we knew that we would be fine whatever happens. 🫠

But we have found out that its god dam expensive to have a kid, very expensive, just for nappies rash cream & wipes its $150 at the supermarket! It's very expensive especially in this cost-of-living crisis that we find ourselves in. 😱

For other parents out there, do you have any tips on how to budget?

Yeah, we did do a little bit of a budget when we first had an idea that she was here & coming. We went on a budgeting site called sorted.org.nz. We put in all our finances so we could see where & how much we were spending, so we knew where we could make cutbacks if we needed to. & a piece of advice, if you are worried - lean on your family and friends. Just lean on them for support, you're not expected to know everything, so lean on the people you trust. 🥰

So, onto the nitty gritty... were you there at the birth?

Yeah, I was there I was at the front end... I mean I was by Jasmine's head, watching Holly being born! For me, it would have been like seeing my favourite Chinese Restaurant Burn to the ground if I'd been down the front row seats! I knew that was something I couldn't handle! 😝

Did you cut the cord?

Yeah, I did! Do you know it's a weird thing cutting the cord, it’s umm... you know when you get a piece of steak, there's that fat on the steak & you grab that & try to cut it with normal kitchen scissors... that's what it like, it's quite hard to do! It's quite hard to cut the umbilical cord & any dads or partners that have done it, good on your ‘cos it's a hard job! 🥴

Were you scared that you would cut it in the wrong place?

Nah ‘cos the Doctor tells you were to cut it; my fear was she was going to have an outty belly button! No offense to anyone that has an outty belly button either! I talked to the Doctors extensively about its ‘cos I didn't want her to have an outty belly button. In my experience, people laugh at you. I was quite serious, & he said it's not up to you, nature makes its decision whether it's an outty or inny, it's got nothing to do with how the umbilical cord is cut. 😏

How much of the day-to-day care do you do with Holly?

None... no joking! My job as a dad, & I think that a lot of dads would agree with me - you are the assistant to the Head Chef. Jasmine, my partner, is the Head Chef & I'm the Sous Chef. She asks me to clean, I clean. She asks me to do the dishwasher, I do the dishwasher. She asks me to change the bum, I change the bum! But in terms of feeding, putting her into bed & stuff, that's the Head Chef job and she does a great job 🤩 ‘cos that's what Holly needs. The baby needs her mum, she doesn't need the dad. The dad needs to support. 😎

Do you think that Jasmine would agree that you support her as much as she needs to be supported?

Yeah, ‘cos its hard being a dad. You don't have that connection, in terms of if I hold you in my arms, you're not going to fall asleep straight away. I can try doing that, but Holly won't fall asleep, she won't finish her bottle with me, but she will with her mum. & that's just a fact & there's no point in my trying because she just won't do it. 🤭

Do you feel like you're missing out ‘cos you don't have the same bonding as a mother does?

No, ‘cos I want Holly & Jasmine to have that special bond. My bond with her is to be fun & bring a smile to her face - make her happy & excited, teach her new things. That's where I'm gonna shine, its later down the path. 😇

When Holly was born you had a NO kiss policy. Tell me about that.

Yeah, we had a no kissing policy in terms of, it's not your right to come & kiss my baby. ‘Cos I feel like a lot of people, especially the older generation, feel that they can come pick up a baby & kiss it, whether it's yours or not. When covid first hit we weren't the people that freaked out about covid but it made us realise how easy that things can be passed from one person to another. & as parents, having a no kiss my baby policy means we feel like we've done what we can do to protect our baby, right?? & we did that - we protected her. We have since relaxed it with our family - they can kiss her now & that's fine. In terms of our friends, we haven't relaxed it. Holly doesn't want to be kissed & later on she may want to be kissed & that's fine too. But we still believe that you don't have the right to kiss my baby. 🥺

How did your family & friends react?

Well, they were fine, & they respected our decision. My grandparents found it hard to understand, but Holly is our baby & that was our decision. 🫡

Is there anything else that you think - she's our child & she'll not be subjected to that?

Yeah, the other thing is no lying 🤥, or when family or friends say don't tell your mum or dad. We want Holly to tell us everything. For example, with Holly's grandparents; we don't want her to have little secrets with them. It can be as simple as her grandparents knowingly giving her chocolate, (something that Jasmine & I have said no to) & saying here's some chocolate but don't tell mum or dad. We don't want to normalize ‘don't tell mum or dad’ ‘cos Holly should be telling mum & dad everything. We want Holly to feel that we are her safe zone, that she can tell us anything, ‘cos she is our daughter - we will accept & support her. As Holly's parents, we feel there needs to be a line. As parents these are the things we do, & these are the things that we accept, & when you are looking after our child you need to do as we do. There should be no blurred lines & no confusion in how we want to bring up our child. 🤗

When you decided to become a dad, what were the 5 things you did to prepare yourself. What's your advice to other future parents out there?

Make sure you have a stable income.
Make sure you have a loving & supportive home life.
Make sure you have a loving & supportive partner.
Make sure you have people to help you, your extended family & friends.
Know that this going to be the most important being in your life now. It's not just about you anymore, the things you love & want to do. What you used to love to do on the weekends like gambling or watching sport has to stop ‘cos this is the most important thing in your life now... I'm still trying to do that! 🤣

What's the worst piece of advice you've ever received?

Buy heaps of expensive clothes to make your child look aesthetically pleasing to the world. 🤪 ‘Cos you don't need it; all you need is a 10 pack of white singlets from K-Mart for $5 bucks. They're gonna get poos & wees all over them. While they're young, get the cheapest clothes that you can afford. But buy quality where you need like in their sleepwear. 😍

& what is the one piece of really good advice you received?

It's hard cos lots of people try & give you advice. But this is the greatest advice, & a mate of mine sent it to me. It was on a Joe Rogan interview with Peter Attia. What Peter said if you're having a bad day with your child, like for example Holly is teething. Think if you are 30 years older than you are now, & you could go back to one time in your life, & it's the time that you have NOW with you kid, just enjoy the moment right now. I think about that a lot, so if Holly is screaming in the middle of the night, I just think this could be the last chance that I have with her, so I enjoy it & I embrace it. I embrace every single moment that I've got. 😇🥰

The Joe Rogan Experience: Peter Attia - Imagine You Are 80 Years Old (youtube.com)

& that's where we ended our chat - a chat that was heartwarming, honest, raw, & authentic. I loved getting to know my friend in his new title of dad. I'm really proud of David, & you can just feel the bubble of love that him & Jasmine have surrounded their family with!! 💯🤍